TODAY is NOT YESTERDAY

TODAY is NOT YESTERDAY.

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TODAY is NOT YESTERDAY

My Thoughts…..

If you were beaten, abused, threatened or called horrible names by your husband or boyfriend yesterday.  Then TODAY  can be the day you move closer to freedom.

TODAY  is not yesterday.  Today can be the day you decide to take that step out of a bad relationship.  TODAY is not yesterday.  Today can be the day you decide to  make an escape plan.   TODAY  is not yesterday.  Today can be the day  you decide you deserve more than your getting.   Today can be the day you decide you are worth the effort it’s going to take to have a happier, safer life.   Today can  be the day your life can truly get better.

Today can be the day, you love yourself more than you “think” you love him.   Today can be the day your true loving future begins.   Today can be the day you read the words that can  change your life.

TODAY  is not yesterday.   Today can be the day you’ve been waiting for.

__T.E. Napolez

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One Hell of a Wake-Up call

One Hell of a Wake-Up call.

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One Hell of a Wake-Up call

My Thoughts on Waking Up

Just when you think your life is finally on track, something happens to let you know you still have work to do on yourself.

If you’ve read my book, Run for Your Life, From the Love of Your Life, a Woman’s Rescue and Recovery Guide.  I devote a chapter on all the symptoms and diseases that can come into your body, mind, and soul, when you’re in an abusive relationship–PTSD is one of them.(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).     What I didn’t realize was how it can continue to affect your life, even when you think everything is fine.

I knew I was suffering from it because I would JUMP 2 feet high if I heard the sound of a man’s LOUD voice.  Or an unexpected door slamming.  And I probably paid for my naprapath’s  vacations with all the appointments for the chronic back and neck pains I’ve had  after my divorce, and I continue to see her for the same symptoms, years later.  The chronic muscle strains in my  back and neck, along with the anxiety I feel just knowing I might run into my ex, sends shivers through me.  And this is after I’ve been out of that marriage for years.  Let’s not even talk about how hard it’s been to trust again.

Yet none of these chronic symptoms “clicked” with me.  I just thought this was the years catching up with me.   Well, it took a sleepless night, one of many  for my brain to say OK.  Something is not right.  I so wanted to be ok, I fought this realization so hard.  I did everything I thought was right after that marriage, I went to see a therapist, I exercised, ate right, did yoga.  Yet,  I knew my body’s memory, through my muscles was holding on to what I’d been through.    I knew I finally had to do something about it.  My body deserved better and I deserved better.

We hear of soldiers going through PTSD,  being in a war.  But women in abusive relationships are also traumatized from being in a war-like state. And, like soldiers, can be traumatized for years or a lifetime.   THE WORD NEEDS TO GET OUT!

Women, if you been through; Physical, Emotional, and/or Psychological abuse with your husband or boyfriend, you have some form of PTSD.

In my book, Run for Your Life, from the Love of your Life.  I tell women to get counseling, that is so important.  But, I have found that Body-work such as;  Yoga for Trauma, Massage, Reiki are also extremely important.  PTSD is in your mind, emotions, and muscles.   So, if you find that you still need counseling, do it.    I started doing Yoga for Trauma and Stress Relief, as well as getting more massages.  I intend on doing it for as long as needed.   I urge every woman, regardless of how you are feeling now to try it.  You just may find it to be just what the Dr. ordered.

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WHAT DO YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE?

WHAT DO YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE?.

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WHAT DO YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE?

My Thoughts on…

I watched a message online  from a woman with a black eye.  She said she wanted to warn other women about staying in an abusive relationship.  As I read her story I found out that over the course of two years with her boyfriend, he had regularly cheated on her and beat her.  She left him but went back only to continue with the same treatment.  She finally did leave, but after reading her story I got the feeling she will probably be telling that same story again only with another boyfriend.

I’m saying that because I did the exact same thing.  I stayed in a horribly abusive marriage for a while, left him for a year and went right back to that horrible treatment.  It never occurred to me while I was in that abuse that I needed to look at myself.   We can blame the abuser of course, he deserves it.  But unless you figure out why you’re with him and not with a man who adores and loves the ground you walk on.  You’ll end up with another, just like the last.  My “light-bulb” moment came after  my divorce.  I asked myself some questions;  “What’s going on with me, why did I let someone treat me like that?”   What I was really asking was; “What did I feel I deserved.”   When I was in that marriage I thought this was the best I could do for myself.  I was abused as a child so abuse felt “normal’ to me.   Just as an abuser does what he does because he has “issues.”  We stay in an abusive relationship because we have issues too.

Once I was out of that marriage I began to learn how to value myself, and I’ve never looked back.  You  must know that a final  release from the indignity of abuse starts with telling yourself,  “What do I feel I deserve?”

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Men as Victims of Abuse

Men as Victims of Abuse.

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Men as Victims of Abuse

I had a very intense conversation with a male friend of mine, about women who abuse men.  I know this happens, how frequently, I don’t think anyone really knows.  There are statistics, I’m sure.  But, just like women who are being abused, and never tell.  Men are keeping quiet too.  After all, as a man, it’s embarrassing to let people know a woman is kicking your butt.  But, just like women, men will stay in that situation-hoping things will change.

I know several men in situations of being abused, one emotionally and one physically.  Both guys are nice, just looking for love, but they seem to attract women who use and abuse them.  Why?

As I explain in my book, Run for your Life, from the Love of Your Life,  a Woman’s Rescue and Recovery Guide. Which I wrote for women, but I explain that men have the exact same issues.  Like women, men can be; over givers, needing help or rescue and they attract, like bees to honey, women who like to take advantage of them.  It’s like I tell women, if you want to break the cycle of abuse and release the pattern of abusive relationships, you must feel you deserve better.  And to feel deserving, you must have a strong self-love and self-worth instinct.  An abuser is repelled by a person who loves themselves.  They know you won’t put-up with their nonsense.

So, to all the men out there who are in abusive relationships with a woman you, “think” you love.  My book is for you too.  Find unconditional love in yourself–first–and you’ll find the woman of your dreams.

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COPING MECHANISMS

COPING MECHANISMS.

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COPING MECHANISMS

MY THOUGHTS ON….  What we  do to ourselves to  justify staying in a toxic relationship.  I call it, “Cope to Hope.”   We cope until something will change to make this relationship what we hope it will become.  We’ve all been there.  I normally use pints of ice cream to cope when I’ve been in a bad relationship.  But, of course it doesn’t work, because now I feel guilty for adding more pounds to my hips.

Anyone who’s been in a bad relationship has used  coping mechanisms.  We use them to comfort and escape from our doubts, fears, insecurities and heartache of not being loved the way we wish to be.  We over-eat, over-drink alcohol, gamble, deeply deny what we’re going through, and how we really feel.  We’re getting drunk, fat and depressed to stay in a relationship we know we aren’t really happy in.  And, the irony is he probably doesn’t want a drunk, fat and depressed partner.  So, it’s all a Catch 22.

If you have to use a coping mechanism then you’re in the wrong relationship.  If you can’t be loved for who you are–you’re in the wrong relationship.  The fact that you’re using coping mechanisms means you’re not happy and you’re in the wrong relationship.  “Coping to Hope” things will change is a losing proposition.

What you should do is; learn to  recognize when you’re using a coping mechanism and begin to love yourself enough to change your situation.  Start asking yourself–what can I do to make myself happy.  What is one thing I can do today for myself to make me happy.  Don’t think long term, just for today.  When you can think of three things to do today to improve something in your life-make that change.  Then tomorrow think of one more thing.  From now on you won’t be “Coping, you’ll be Doing.”

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