MY THOUGHTS ON…. What we do to ourselves to justify staying in a toxic relationship. I call it, “Cope to Hope.” We cope until something will change to make this relationship what we hope it will become. We’ve all been there. I normally use pints of ice cream to cope when I’ve been in a bad relationship. But, of course it doesn’t work, because now I feel guilty for adding more pounds to my hips.
Anyone who’s been in a bad relationship has used coping mechanisms. We use them to comfort and escape from our doubts, fears, insecurities and heartache of not being loved the way we wish to be. We over-eat, over-drink alcohol, gamble, deeply deny what we’re going through, and how we really feel. We’re getting drunk, fat and depressed to stay in a relationship we know we aren’t really happy in. And, the irony is he probably doesn’t want a drunk, fat and depressed partner. So, it’s all a Catch 22.
If you have to use a coping mechanism then you’re in the wrong relationship. If you can’t be loved for who you are–you’re in the wrong relationship. The fact that you’re using coping mechanisms means you’re not happy and you’re in the wrong relationship. “Coping to Hope” things will change is a losing proposition.
What you should do is; learn to recognize when you’re using a coping mechanism and begin to love yourself enough to change your situation. Start asking yourself–what can I do to make myself happy. What is one thing I can do today for myself to make me happy. Don’t think long term, just for today. When you can think of three things to do today to improve something in your life-make that change. Then tomorrow think of one more thing. From now on you won’t be “Coping, you’ll be Doing.”