My Thoughts….  “Like a machine, he doesn’t feel pain, he feels no emotion, no pity, or remorse. ”  “He can’t be bargained with, can’t be reasoned with, and will absolutely not stop until you are dead.”   Those are the words from the film, “The Terminator” describing the cyborg, half-man, half-machine who was sent to kill, “Sara Connor.”

When I think of those words describing a “terminator” it  makes me think of the types of men who are real life terminators.  The men you read about every day online or in the newspaper who will stop at nothing to kill their former wives or girlfriends.  And like a terminator they have no remorse, no emotion and can’t be reasoned with.  They have no empathy, or guilt for what they are trying to do.  They just want her removed from the face of the earth.    While the ex-wives and girlfriends just want to get on with their lives in peace and safety, free from the threat of abuse or death from their ex.

Newspapers are filled with the stories of  these, “terminators”  snuffing out the lives of  vibrant women daily.  And just like the fictional “terminator” these terminators are difficult if almost impossible to stop.

What can be done now.  First, you must file a report with the police, get it on paper and on file that he is harassing you or threatening you.  Second, tell as many people as you can, so that others can be on alert too.  Third, get an order of protection, I know many of these men won’t abide by it.  But, sometimes it can help.   Now some good news.  A national law has been passed, the Violence Against Women Act.   It gives police and judges more leeway in helping women.  It gives them more training on the various aspects to look for in a domestic violence situation and take action.   It also prevents convicted abusers of  having the ability to get a gun or firearm,  And, it will inform women when an abuser is out of jail, some abusers are also made to wear ankle bracelets so their whereabouts are known.

Some will still slip through the cracks and do what they do regardless.  It must be up to the woman to protect herself and stay safe.   Sometimes you must do what you need to do to stay safe,  it’s legal now in all 50 states.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Be Safe

Posted in domestic partner abuse | Leave a comment



Posted in domestic partner abuse | Leave a comment


My Thoughts…. What is a safe haven?   A safe haven is anyone, anything, anywhere you can find relief from the pressure, anxiety, and  fear of your abusive relationship–if only for a few minutes, or a few hours.  A safe haven would be; visiting a family member, or a friend, sitting in the park, going for a walk or run, even finding the time to read a funny joke, or a few pages in a good book.  Whatever  you think a safe haven can be for you, will be your  safe haven.  The demands on a woman’s physical and emotional health when in an abusive relationship takes a heavy toll.  Women can become susceptible to lower immune systems, depression, anxiety and many other ailments.  Finding a safe haven is imperative to realize a sense of safety and peace for even a short time.  It can help to break the cycle of chaos and violence, and give you a time to begin to think of a way out.


My safe haven was my mother’s apartment.  Once a week I would do a wellness check on her.  And  the few hours I was there became a godsend for me.  When I was at her   house I felt totally safe, relieved, at peace–like a weight was lifted, and most of all, I felt-FREE.   I often look back on those days and see how checking on my mother, was really a wellness check for me.   Going from the stress of my house, into my mother’s,  always felt like I had just stepped  into a parallel universe.  Where  birds were chirping, the sun was shining,  flowers were blooming, and I could be myself.   I could laugh, and dance,( I couldn’t do that in front of him).   I savored  those few hours each week.  And, while I was there,  I also worked on devising a plan that would eventually take me to my permanent safe haven.


As a woman who has been where you are, I know how badly you need a safe haven.  I want you to see what you can do to find your own safe haven this week.  Don’t wait!  And write to me, let me know what your safe haven is.

_____T.E. Napolez, Author

Posted in domestic partner abuse | Leave a comment



Posted in domestic partner abuse, teen dating violence, toxic relationships | Leave a comment


My Thoughts…..  Any success guru  will tell you to visualize what you want, and what you want to happen in your life.  When the vision feels real enough you will be pressed to find a way to make it happen.   Many people will do it if they want more money in their bank accounts.   People do it to visualize better homes and good relationships too.

I say you can do it to visualize your way out of an abusive relationship.    It’s almost like running through the steps right before a race.  You see in your mind the starting point and the distance you need to go.  You see the path you have to take and the obstacles along the way you must get around.  You then can see clearly in to distance the huge sign saying “finish line.”     Your mind can visualize anything you want, if you want it badly enough.

Even if you’ve been in a situation you feel there is no way out.  You can imagine yourself in a better place.   I know it’s true because I did it.   When I was in my abusive marriage, the greatest weapon I had at my disposal was my hope of a better life and my imagining it.

When the chaos of the last incident died down, and he left the house, I would sit and imagine myself in a peaceful place, a happy place, a safe place.    I would imagine the things and people I would have in my new life.  I wouldn’t see too far ahead, a day at a time was fine for me.  I would just imagine what a day would be like.  When I closed my eyes I saw a movie screen in front of me.   I saw myself in my new apartment with all the things I love surrounding me.  The smell of fragrant food cooking in the kitchen.  I look in the mirror as I pass and see my complexion is clear and smooth, my face tranquil, content and relaxed.  My body moves freely.  I’m safe now.

I imagined that day and my new life every day for a long time, until the day finally came and I found myself in that exact life.  Free from abuse, doing the things I love with the people who mean the most to me.   And knowing that holding the seed  of hope and imagination  in my mind and heart, helped me  to “see” my future and act on it.

___TE Napolez, Author

Posted in domestic partner abuse | Leave a comment



Posted in domestic partner abuse, teen dating violence, toxic relationships | Leave a comment


My Thoughts….  If,  at this moment you’re in a hospital room recovering from abuse, or you’re in a shelter fearful, and wondering what your next step should be.  Or, you could be at home, your apartment or house, and cleaning up again,  the after effects of another round of blow-up from your husband or boyfriend.    Just know that you ARE NOT ALONE.    There are thousands of women who are going through  very similar circumstances.  But,  because of the shame and isolation women feel who are in abusive relationships, they believe no one would believe them, or help them.

I felt the same way.  I would look at people around me smiling, couples hugging and laughing, and think, “Why is my life not like that?”     Of course I also told no one what I was going through, and that kept the isolation going.  Plus, not many people want to hear about your bad relationship, especially if you’ve been in it for a while.  People, after a while, think, “you don’t really want out.”

The majority of Battered women are looking for a way out.  Again, I say, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.   I understand you, how you feel, what you’re going through, and why you may be staying.  But, I need to tell you, regardless of why you’re staying, you need to know there is a better  way.  You must know you deserve a better life, a happy life, a safe and peaceful life.

There are organizations and people who will listen to you, who will help you find your way out of your abusive relationship.  These people are trained, non-judgmental, caring and compassionate.  You don’t have to know this minute what and how your next step will be.  You just need to take that step and call.  The information and guidance will be there.

Call any of these numbers.  Domestic Violence Hotline  # 1800-799-7233

Teen Dating Abuse Helpline #   1-866-331-9474

___T.E. Napolez

Posted in domestic partner abuse | Leave a comment

Self-Love Can Save Your Life

Self-Love Can Save Your Life.

Posted in domestic partner abuse, teen dating violence, toxic relationships | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Self-Love Can Save Your Life

My Thoughts….   I recently read in the paper about a woman and her 3 children who  were found dead, murdered.    Her family said  it was a Domestic Violence situation.  Every time I hear about these types of cases I say, “When will it stop!

In my book, Run for your Life, From the Love of Your Life, a Woman’s Rescue and Recovery Guide.  I make it a point to let women know there is a way to stop Domestic Violence.  That way is very plain and to the POINT.   Love Yourself more than You “think” you love him.

As a former Battered Wife, I can see where this can be  harder to do  than it sounds, I’ve been on both sides of the matter.  I know that a woman who is attracted to an abusive man has some beliefs she has not dealt with.  Some she may not even been aware of, that leads her into a toxic relationship.  Some women believe that a man beating them means he “loves” them.  I know a few women who feel this way. And they will never leave their man, no matter what he does to them.

I wish my book could help them, but I want to reach the teens and women who know they deserve better, but need to have a voice continue to tell them that.  I am that voice.  To any woman who is in a negative relationship, for any amount of time, but now feels she wants more, like a loving relationship, to feel at peace, to smile and to be happy, after being sad for so long.  I want you to know you can have all of that and more.   Self-Love is the Key!

Self-love can  literally save your life.  It can also put you on the path to health, happiness, love and good fortune.  It can bring good, loving people into your life.  People who will appreciate you and love you for who you are, just as you are.

Self-love is being there for you and knowing when something and someone is not good for you.  Be it a relationship, a job, a career, etc.    To start on the path of self-love you must first become aware of what makes you feel good and what doesn’t.  Being criticized, and beat-down doesn’t make you feel good.  Being told you are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person does.  Taking better care of your body, mind and emotions is self-love.  If you aren’t sure where to start just read my book, Run for Your Life, from the Love of Your Life, A Woman’s Rescue and Recovery Guide.  available on Amazon.

And come back to my blog regularly for more topics to help women in negative relationships learn to release the beliefs that put them there, and learn new ones to take them forward.

__T.E. Napolez

Posted in domestic partner abuse, teen dating violence, toxic relationships | Leave a comment



Posted in domestic partner abuse, teen dating violence, toxic relationships | Leave a comment